Friday, December 23, 2005

Miscellaneous maunderings

I'm going through manic and depressive stages. This will be my first Christmas without Mother, and I find myself grieving and feeling sorry for myself. Then I think of my Dad; they were married for 59 years!

I just couldn't get the tree out or do decorations. Dreary, but can't face putting them up and taking them down. Still, I got out some of Fee's Santas out because I love them so much.
He carved them all about 20 years ago. These are only a few from one box and there is another big box that I can't get to.

Missing Erin, who will not be back until January. Hope they are taking lots of pictures of Miss Mila and her cousin, Ella. This will be a special Christmas for Mila - she is old enough to appreciate things more this year, she has her adoring "other grandparents" who are seeing her for only the second time, and she has her cousin who is not much older to play with.

Fee will be home today, and we will celebrate yesterday's birthday tonight. He is a winter solstice baby, and I missed him yesterday.

I've been practicing shopping therapy and have ordered some fabric from equilter and some books from Amazon that will come after Christmas to help keep me busy.

Today, the plan was to get up and out early to finish with the last of the shopping, errands, etc. Here I still sit with my tea, playing on the computer, delaying.


  1. {{{{Jen}}}}

    Fee's Santas are wonderful.

    And I love the aprons!

  2. This is my first Christmas without my Mom too - she passed away in April - and I'm having a difficult time with it too. The last two mornings I have driven to work in tears -- because for the first time in 55 years, my Mom didn't fill my stocking for me. Logically I know this probably sounds stupid and selfish and self-centered to most people and I probably am -- but it was my favorite of my families holiday traditions growing up and because Mom knew that, she filled my stocking for me long after she quit doing it for everyone else in the family (I'm the oldest too, and probably more than a little spoiled!). I'm trying to keep myself very busy so I don't dwell on it - after all, I know it's going to be hard on my dad, my brother & sister and their families too. But hang in there and enjoy your time with Fee - I agree his Santas are wonderful!

  3. Jen,

    Go ahead and grieve, it's good for you. Losing my mother was the most painful life experience I have ever had. I wish I had told the world to go to hell and shut myself in to cry for months.

    There's no getting around it.

  4. Jen
    Grief is a strange thing,always popping up unbidden. remember to be easy on yourself. Hope you and your son are enjoying each other's company. His Santa's are wonderful.

  5. I emailed Cathy to set her straight: Fee is NOT my son, but my husband :)and a dear one at that; still, I certainly don't want to give him any ammunition about my looking older than he does!


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