Thursday, September 15, 2005

Tales of a Waiter; Waitress Song

Following a link from Looka! I discovered this blog: Waiter Rant. Anyone who has ever waited tables will appreciate the "stories" on this witty blog. Warning: language

Reminded me of the waitress in Stud's Terkel's Working and of how much I loved the musical (as well as the book). Here is the waitress's song:

It's an Art

There's some as don't care

When they put down a plate
There's a sound
Not with me
When they move a chair
It'll scrape with a grate
On the ground
Not with me
I will have my hand right
When I place a glass
Notice how I stand right
As customers pass
Serve a demitass
With a gesture so gentel
Or do it again 'til
It's near oriental
Da da da da dum dum
It's an art It's an art
To be a fine waitress
To see that you pleasure each guest
There's a twist
To my wrist
If I let a fork drop
Or cut up a porkchop
Or serve a New York chop
It all needs be stylish and smart
That's what makes it an art

I remember one day
As I do now and then
I had shakes
And down I went
There with my tray
Full of seven prime tenderloin steaks
And down I went
But I kept my poise
Not one guest heard me fall
Never made a noise
Not one noise food and all
If you have to crawl
You give 'em what they like
You carry your tray like
It's almost ballet-like
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la
It's an art It's an art
To be a fine waitress
Each evening I treasure the test
Though my chef
May be deaf
I stay diplomatic
If I give him static
He might burn the haddock
Or put too much salt in a tart
Even that is an art
Tips? HA!

Tips are important

For people like captains and barmen
For them it's a tip, see?
For me, I'm a gypsy
Just toss me a coin
And I suddenly feel like I'm Carmen

So on through the ulcer
The backache
The hot, sweaty feet
On you go
Through, "Is your knife dull, sir?"
And, "Madam wants WHAT whith her meat?"
On you go
Two AM approches
he curtains descend
There among the roaches
My act's at an end
Every night I tend
To find myself crying
There's no work so trying
Or so satisfying

I tell everybody that I'm a waitress and I'm proud. Somebody comes up to me and says, "Hey you're terrific. How come you're just a waitress?" Ya know what I say to them? I say, "Why? Don't you think you deserve to be served by me?"

It's an art
It's an art
To be a great waitress
To do without leisure or rest

through the demanding voices of guests
So I zoom
Through the room
With a flair no one else has

An air no one else has
I swear no one else has
My lilt
When I say "A la carte"
You can see it gives me a glow
Ev'rytime I prove I'm a pro
Maybe I'm not quite Michealangelo
But I'm not just a waitress ...
I'm a one man show

1 comment:

  1. Studs public radio show was the beginning of my pr addiction decades ago. My daughter was in the play in her 8th grade year and I use to show the video in workshops that for women transitioning from welfare2work. But ya know, I've never read any of his books...I'm going to forward this on to my friend who is waitressing.


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