I stole these from Booklogged, who stole them from another blog - so I don't know the original source, but they are the best that the pharma-pseudical companies have come out with lately. I intend to be the local representative and will soon be independently wealthy.
NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
D A M N I T O L -Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N -Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T -Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
P E P T O B I M B O -Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
D U M B E R O L -When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N -Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "
BUYAGRA -Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N -Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T -A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E N T -When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.